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AUTHOR: Jacopo Fo 

Who doesn't have sex problems?
No one!
Animal instinct on the one hand
And the rules of civilized society on the other.
Our instinct tells us to go around sniffing everyone we meet,
especially if they are of the opposite sex.
Good manners tell us not to do so,
especially if they are of the opposite sex.
You don't have a problem, despite the confusion,
it's because your sensors have become numb.
If instead you have noticed that something is wrong,
enjoy this book.

Buy the ebook Zen and the art of fucking (Universal Encyclopedia)on amazon for 2,68€

Alert in Alcatraz! Dangerous winter viruses are inevitably spreading in The Free Republic of Wellness. Curiously those new epidemics are proliferating whitout great concern inside the boundaries of Alcatrazian territory but terrifying Italy and Europe, where thinkers and scientists in charge for order and slothful serenity are searching for vaccines and drugs in order to contrast the diffusion of such colorful infections

Description of symptoms follows:

-       Friendococcus: Dangerous virus that attacks the brain cell in its DNA. The effects are irreversible and the infected victim can’t forget the exhilaration of the contagion. The carryings of the Virus speak delirious about magic moments and they are at times caught by uncontrollable laughter when trying to tell about specific episodes. The most dangerous consequences are the loss of sense of property, desire to practice generosity, need to invite friends at dinner and trust in others. The most diffused vaccines abroad are television, computer and other alienating devices. Today unfortunately those remedies turn out to be useless on the victims that result to be totally corrupted by the euphoria of compassion that seems to be unforgettable. 

-       Virus by contact with nature: peace and adventure sensations stick between toes and fingers of the infected. Impossibility to sit still on the armchair. The victims seem to go back to an animal state and compulsively they climb cherry trees and take their lovers out to watch sunset. Once back at home they can’t stop from separating garbage, consuming responsibly and any occasion is a good one for an outdoor excursion. Until today no cure and no vaccine have achieved to replace the desire for adventure in the unfortunates minds.

-       Immaginationoid Positivirus: The electroencephalogram  of the infected is scaring. The unfortunates become straight away victims of the rightsideoftheomelette syndrome. The people subject to testes are able to imagine improvements in any occasion and to turn situations upside-down into resounding and astonishing moments. Doctors are trying to cure them by inculcating worries and boring priorities. Verydangerousissimus Virus.

The citizens that recently frequented Alcatraz are supposed to contact the closest medical center, blow a raspberry and get quickly away. Or write to: info()repubblicadialcatraz.com

 As thought to be loved you have to love yourself but if nobody loves you how can you love yourself? So if you are lovely with the others they will love you and it will be easier to love yourself (but said between us it's more pleasurable to be at least two lovers). It's then opportune to love to be loved and so love yourself. In one word: LOVE.

Modern semiserious studies  of the University of Alcatraz have discovered that Narcisus who loved himself jumped in the swamp and drowned, while mother Teresa who loved even lebbrosi used to hug and kiss them without any danger.

The di-presidents, reasoning and papering between two tea biscuits and a cricket match, have verdicted that:

-It's wonderful to say I'm sorry, recognize one's faults and accept them. But it's at least gorgeous prevent them, be aware of the ones that sorround us walk the extra mile.

-It's true that you have to love yourself first and then the others... but this process has to arrive to a conclusion, others are waiting to be loved and it's not correct to waste the life triyng to love yourself.

-It's ok to be inperfect and weak sometimes but it's deliscously lovable to do the right thing be sensitive and think of the consequences. Not because you have to but because it's great!

-It's absoltely accetable to be late and apologise but it's divine to be there 5 minutes earlier witch without no need of words means: "I was craving to see You!".

-When you know what is right and you do it, you as first will be satisfied and the people that loves you will receve an unpaired gift: your attention.

SLOGAN OF THE SENSITIVAITING CAMPAIGN:

LET'S DO WHAT'S RIGHT FILLING OTHERS WITH LOVE

as to say: DON'T THROW THE WASTE ON THE GROUND EVEN WHEN NOBODY'S WATCHING

in other words: IF YOU HAVE FUN GIVING LOVE YOU'VE GOT A BINGO.

And if it isn't clear yet, come to Alcatraz for a demonstration of professional altruism!

Translation and embeautifullments by: Hayley Melody Buchanan