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AUTHOR: Jacopo Fo 

Who doesn't have sex problems?
No one!
Animal instinct on the one hand
And the rules of civilized society on the other.
Our instinct tells us to go around sniffing everyone we meet,
especially if they are of the opposite sex.
Good manners tell us not to do so,
especially if they are of the opposite sex.
You don't have a problem, despite the confusion,
it's because your sensors have become numb.
If instead you have noticed that something is wrong,
enjoy this book.

Buy the ebook Zen and the art of fucking (Universal Encyclopedia)on amazon for 2,68€

 As thought to be loved you have to love yourself but if nobody loves you how can you love yourself? So if you are lovely with the others they will love you and it will be easier to love yourself (but said between us it's more pleasurable to be at least two lovers). It's then opportune to love to be loved and so love yourself. In one word: LOVE.

Modern semiserious studies  of the University of Alcatraz have discovered that Narcisus who loved himself jumped in the swamp and drowned, while mother Teresa who loved even lebbrosi used to hug and kiss them without any danger.

The di-presidents, reasoning and papering between two tea biscuits and a cricket match, have verdicted that:

-It's wonderful to say I'm sorry, recognize one's faults and accept them. But it's at least gorgeous prevent them, be aware of the ones that sorround us walk the extra mile.

-It's true that you have to love yourself first and then the others... but this process has to arrive to a conclusion, others are waiting to be loved and it's not correct to waste the life triyng to love yourself.

-It's ok to be inperfect and weak sometimes but it's deliscously lovable to do the right thing be sensitive and think of the consequences. Not because you have to but because it's great!

-It's absoltely accetable to be late and apologise but it's divine to be there 5 minutes earlier witch without no need of words means: "I was craving to see You!".

-When you know what is right and you do it, you as first will be satisfied and the people that loves you will receve an unpaired gift: your attention.

SLOGAN OF THE SENSITIVAITING CAMPAIGN:

LET'S DO WHAT'S RIGHT FILLING OTHERS WITH LOVE

as to say: DON'T THROW THE WASTE ON THE GROUND EVEN WHEN NOBODY'S WATCHING

in other words: IF YOU HAVE FUN GIVING LOVE YOU'VE GOT A BINGO.

And if it isn't clear yet, come to Alcatraz for a demonstration of professional altruism!

Translation and embeautifullments by: Hayley Melody Buchanan

Fluent citizens!
A great constitutional reformation is happening in the Free Republic of Alcatraz: a landslide of news are falling on our micro nation. For the moment I’m only revealing that Alcatraz will soon be in everybody’s reach even more than the anti-flu vaccine.
Here in the Free Republic of Alcatraz we voted unanimously for the forbiddance of  the swine flu, which has by now lost its frightful credibility.
Instead we prefer the Cervina Flue which will take place mostly on the sky slope of the famous tourist resort, or the children’s flu that allows its infected to hit-off animals down the streets without being judged, moreover you can choose the African in-flu-ence of Cuban rhythms that you find in the best dance floors, or again the dolphin flu that forces you in the bath for days or any flu of your choice that you think is worth.
I choose the feline flu.
Meowing I give my regards to you,
From Alcatrazian roofs,
The President of the Free Republic of Alcatraz

PROPOSE YOUR FAVORITES FLUS POSTING COMMENTS TO THIS ARTICLE.

Very funny citizens!

I'm delighted to annunciate the birth of the Jokes National Foundation.

This is the first wish I found in the citizen's Whishes Box: the JNF is in fact something of primary importance for every Nation that cares for the well-being of its members. The citizens will contribute directly posting the jokes they consider more effective and therapeutic by commenting this article or righting at: infoatrepubblicadialcatrazdotcom.

At last you will have the right joke at the right time! You will make great impression at your business meetings, at Christmas and at your relative's weddings!

Chin up! The world just needs your smile!

The President of the Free Republic of Alcatraz

Fascinating citizens!

We finally have the whishes box!

In fact, as a republic we have the priority to collect the needs and the whishes of the citizens in order to fulfill them. Please write anything you would like from your government: laws, ministries, national anthem, public holidays, National sports and mythology and… Let’s build together the ideal Republic!
The President of Free Republic of Alcatraz

On Saturday  25th of July at 10 pm the Free Republic of Alcatraz was founded, 1.235,53 acres  of wood and olive trees between Gubbio and Perugia in the heart of Italy.
We have been forced to this hard decision by the terrible degrade of Italian social life.
When we go abroad, we admit that we are Italian with embarrassment. People open thier eyes wide and ask: Why did you vote for that old satyr?
Why do you make laws that favors con men and dishonest businessmen?
Why don’t you understand that you need to save energy and improve renewable sources?
Now we can say we are not Italian.
Our Nation is a poetic one, based on word of honor and mutual respect.
A republic that reduced to 10% its own energy consumptions resetting to zero the waste and where the energy produced is more than the used one.
We have our own coin ( the Talent), stamps and passports, and hundreds of flags waving over the Republic and over the self governing enclaves that are going to adhere all over the world forming a great federation of free republics.
We have our vegetable plots, our information channels, our energy and our cemetery. That’s why we can declare independence, our being an autonomous dream nation. A Dadaist bulwark against the grey-ness of this Italy that is happily coming a cropper.
Our ambassadors are now taking contacts with dozens of micro nations all over the world, with UN, EU and G14 (we have asked to be admitted changing it to a G15).
This is the result of the democratic debate around our ducky constitution:

1. The Free Republic of Alcatraz is a nation founded on poetry. It originates from the refusal of banality, the research and desire for fantasy and generosity and the right to happiness.
2. The Free Republic of Alcatraz promotes the spiritual grow of its citizens. It recognizes the mystical and therapeutic value of  humor, game,  conviviality, beauty and the respect of the given word.
3. The Free Republic of Alcatraz is an universal act of love, a spiritual rebellion, a dream, a game, an energetic and emphatic reality able to act on worlds history like a positive emotional yeast. It’s an immodest ascent to the sky of power archetypes.
4. The Free Republic of Alcatraz is a spiritual and lay nation. It keeps genetic relationships with the joyful Great Mother worship and with every religion that proclaims love, brotherhood, and the laughing as fulcrum of life. It abhors instead all religions proclaiming mortification of body, pain, war, weapons blessing, forgiveness for the exploitation of children, censorship of ideas and revenge as mental structure.
5. Every citizen is representative of the nation and has the responsibility to persecute its goals. All citizens are the same in front of the law but deeply different. The free republic of Alcatraz promotes the diversity in all its forms and adores the individual value, the sense of honor, generosity, the peaceful feeling, kindness and love. All citizens have right to vote, to talk, to play and to respect. All citizens must participate actively to the construction of the Free Republic, with their hearts and actions.
6. Every citizen is a state department and has its functions and prerogatives. He can suggest laws, initiatives and festivities on condition that he is going to realize them (also finding who is going to realize them with him). Every citizen is part of the Disarmed Army of the Free Republic, education department, justice office, rescue mission, political party. The citizens takes all the decision by majority, through an electronic poll.
7. The citizens has the right of protection. The Republic takes care of its citizens. The Republic creates right away an inalienable solidarity fund with which it will defend his citizens corresponding to the 10% of revenue taxes. The remaining of the entrances of the Republic will be devolved to citizens wellness financing supportive happenings, scientific and technologic research, international initiatives for life improvement on this planet (for instance we will ask to take part of the G14 that will so turn to G15).
8. Every citizen defends his compatriots.
9. The Republic takes care of the after deaths life of its citizens. The eternal rest must be suitable to a lifestyle based on the research of happiness. Each citizen has the right to be buried in the majestic woods of the Republic. This opportunity is free of charge ( obviously the citizen will charge the costs of funeral and cremation).
10. The free Republic of Alcatraz has its geographic center but it is also wherever its citizen resiedes. It has enclaves in other nations. Autonomous territorial divisions, poetic sub localities. When becoming a citizen the new member of the Republic can decide to enslave a geographic site of his property inside the holy national borders. If so he must hoist the national flag so that it can defiant chirp to winds.
11. Each citizen can support the Republic with deeds and with the optional payment of an annual tax of 100 euro or the purchase of the other products that will give the Republic the chance to sustain its mission: put an end to all wars, to material and intellectual poverty and to denigration of love. The free Republic of Alcatraz will pursue those goals using peaceful and amazing ways arranged by the citizens through free polls. In case a citizen intends to create an event, a promotional campaign or any initiative that demands an economical investment, the request will be valuated by the other citizens and voted and eventually financed.
12. The citizens can use our national currency for exchange instead of other currencies. Equally the Free Republic of Alcatraz stamps can be used for post inside the republic and in its enclaves having a poetic postal office.
13. Inside the Republic all kinds of marriages are permitted, even between different species.
14. In the Free Republic of Alcatraz bad luck is a crime punishable whit massages in hot water pools and laughing therapy sessions.