Buy Alcatraz's Products
Inviato da Redazione il Gio, 07/12/2012 - 11:49

- First kit
- Second kit
- Third kit
- PASSPORT 18,00 euro BUY ONLINE
- Kid's T-SHIRT "MADE IN ALCATRAZ" 100% cotton

articoli tradotti in inglese
AUTHOR: Jacopo Fo
Who doesn't have sex problems?
No one!
Animal instinct on the one hand
And the rules of civilized society on the other.
Our instinct tells us to go around sniffing everyone we meet,
especially if they are of the opposite sex.
Good manners tell us not to do so,
especially if they are of the opposite sex.
You don't have a problem, despite the confusion,
it's because your sensors have become numb.
If instead you have noticed that something is wrong,
enjoy this book.
Alert in Alcatraz! Dangerous winter viruses are inevitably spreading in The Free Republic of Wellness. Curiously those new epidemics are proliferating whitout great concern inside the boundaries of Alcatrazian territory but terrifying Italy and Europe, where thinkers and scientists in charge for order and slothful serenity are searching for vaccines and drugs in order to contrast the diffusion of such colorful infections
Description of symptoms follows:
- Friendococcus: Dangerous virus that attacks the brain cell in its DNA. The effects are irreversible and the infected victim can’t forget the exhilaration of the contagion. The carryings of the Virus speak delirious about magic moments and they are at times caught by uncontrollable laughter when trying to tell about specific episodes. The most dangerous consequences are the loss of sense of property, desire to practice generosity, need to invite friends at dinner and trust in others. The most diffused vaccines abroad are television, computer and other alienating devices. Today unfortunately those remedies turn out to be useless on the victims that result to be totally corrupted by the euphoria of compassion that seems to be unforgettable.
- Virus by contact with nature: peace and adventure sensations stick between toes and fingers of the infected. Impossibility to sit still on the armchair. The victims seem to go back to an animal state and compulsively they climb cherry trees and take their lovers out to watch sunset. Once back at home they can’t stop from separating garbage, consuming responsibly and any occasion is a good one for an outdoor excursion. Until today no cure and no vaccine have achieved to replace the desire for adventure in the unfortunates minds.
- Immaginationoid Positivirus: The electroencephalogram of the infected is scaring. The unfortunates become straight away victims of the rightsideoftheomelette syndrome. The people subject to testes are able to imagine improvements in any occasion and to turn situations upside-down into resounding and astonishing moments. Doctors are trying to cure them by inculcating worries and boring priorities. Verydangerousissimus Virus.
The citizens that recently frequented Alcatraz are supposed to contact the closest medical center, blow a raspberry and get quickly away. Or write to: info()repubblicadialcatraz.com
As thought to be loved you have to love yourself but if nobody loves you how can you love yourself? So if you are lovely with the others they will love you and it will be easier to love yourself (but said between us it's more pleasurable to be at least two lovers). It's then opportune to love to be loved and so love yourself. In one word: LOVE.
Modern semiserious studies of the University of Alcatraz have discovered that Narcisus who loved himself jumped in the swamp and drowned, while mother Teresa who loved even lebbrosi used to hug and kiss them without any danger.
The di-presidents, reasoning and papering between two tea biscuits and a cricket match, have verdicted that:
-It's wonderful to say I'm sorry, recognize one's faults and accept them. But it's at least gorgeous prevent them, be aware of the ones that sorround us walk the extra mile.
-It's true that you have to love yourself first and then the others... but this process has to arrive to a conclusion, others are waiting to be loved and it's not correct to waste the life triyng to love yourself.
-It's ok to be inperfect and weak sometimes but it's deliscously lovable to do the right thing be sensitive and think of the consequences. Not because you have to but because it's great!
-It's absoltely accetable to be late and apologise but it's divine to be there 5 minutes earlier witch without no need of words means: "I was craving to see You!".
-When you know what is right and you do it, you as first will be satisfied and the people that loves you will receve an unpaired gift: your attention.
SLOGAN OF THE SENSITIVAITING CAMPAIGN:
LET'S DO WHAT'S RIGHT FILLING OTHERS WITH LOVE
as to say: DON'T THROW THE WASTE ON THE GROUND EVEN WHEN NOBODY'S WATCHING
in other words: IF YOU HAVE FUN GIVING LOVE YOU'VE GOT A BINGO.
And if it isn't clear yet, come to Alcatraz for a demonstration of professional altruism!
Translation and embeautifullments by: Hayley Melody Buchanan
Fluent citizens!
A great constitutional reformation is happening in the Free Republic of Alcatraz: a landslide of news are falling on our micro nation. For the moment I’m only revealing that Alcatraz will soon be in everybody’s reach even more than the anti-flu vaccine.
Here in the Free Republic of Alcatraz we voted unanimously for the forbiddance of the swine flu, which has by now lost its frightful credibility.
Instead we prefer the Cervina Flue which will take place mostly on the sky slope of the famous tourist resort, or the children’s flu that allows its infected to hit-off animals down the streets without being judged, moreover you can choose the African in-flu-ence of Cuban rhythms that you find in the best dance floors, or again the dolphin flu that forces you in the bath for days or any flu of your choice that you think is worth.
I choose the feline flu.
Meowing I give my regards to you,
From Alcatrazian roofs,
The President of the Free Republic of Alcatraz
PROPOSE YOUR FAVORITES FLUS POSTING COMMENTS TO THIS ARTICLE.
Very funny citizens!
I'm delighted to annunciate the birth of the Jokes National Foundation.
This is the first wish I found in the citizen's Whishes Box: the JNF is in fact something of primary importance for every Nation that cares for the well-being of its members. The citizens will contribute directly posting the jokes they consider more effective and therapeutic by commenting this article or righting at: infoatrepubblicadialcatrazdotcom.
At last you will have the right joke at the right time! You will make great impression at your business meetings, at Christmas and at your relative's weddings!
Chin up! The world just needs your smile!
The President of the Free Republic of Alcatraz
Fascinating citizens!
We finally have the whishes box!
In fact, as a republic we have the priority to collect the needs and the whishes of the citizens in order to fulfill them. Please write anything you would like from your government: laws, ministries, national anthem, public holidays, National sports and mythology and… Let’s build together the ideal Republic!
The President of Free Republic of Alcatraz
On Saturday 25th of July at 10 pm the Free Republic of Alcatraz was founded, 1.235,53 acres of wood and olive trees between Gubbio and Perugia in the heart of Italy.
We have been forced to this hard decision by the terrible degrade of Italian social life.
When we go abroad, we admit that we are Italian with embarrassment. People open thier eyes wide and ask: Why did you vote for that old satyr?
Why do you make laws that favors con men and dishonest businessmen?
Why don’t you understand that you need to save energy and improve renewable sources?
Now we can say we are not Italian.
Our Nation is a poetic one, based on word of honor and mutual respect.
A republic that reduced to 10% its own energy consumptions resetting to zero the waste and where the energy produced is more than the used one.
We have our own coin ( the Talent), stamps and passports, and hundreds of flags waving over the Republic and over the self governing enclaves that are going to adhere all over the world forming a great federation of free republics.
We have our vegetable plots, our information channels, our energy and our cemetery. That’s why we can declare independence, our being an autonomous dream nation. A Dadaist bulwark against the grey-ness of this Italy that is happily coming a cropper.
Our ambassadors are now taking contacts with dozens of micro nations all over the world, with UN, EU and G14 (we have asked to be admitted changing it to a G15).
This is the result of the democratic debate around our ducky constitution: